Snakes and ladders

I have been cut off from civilization for the last few days with my internet and phone going off line while being tranferred to the new house. Makes you realise how isolated you feel without either portal to the outside world working!

All is going well at the 'new' house and hopefully by the end of Easter weekend the 'old' house will be spik and span ready for the dragon rental lady to sign us out. It's interesting how when real estate agents see you as potential 'buyers' they treat you so well and when they see you as 'tenants' they treat you like something they need to scrape off thier shoe.

Anyway enough about that, I've been thinking quite a bit about how parenting can feel a bit like being in a self scoring game of snakes and ladders, do something good and you feel great- as if you've just been sent up sort of happy ladder. Do something bad on the other hand and you instantly feel as if you are sliding down a snake into the useless parent category. On a daily basis I seem to swing between thinking I'm doing a pretty good job to feeling like I should be nominated for the Bad Mommy awards.

By way of example let me talk you through a typical day (this will give you a chance to judge me and feel smug about the way you do things so much better than me, ha ha!) Let me sort of put it in table format so it's easier to follow:
ACTIVITY                                                                     INTERNAL SCORE AWARDED              
-Crawl out of bed when baby wakes up                            0 points - it just has to be done

-Get annoyed as baby incapable of staying on his back      - 10 points - I should be more patient
while nappy changed

-Cook baby omega rich egg yolk for breakfast                  + 150 points

- Remain calm when baby refuses to eat healthy omega      + 100 points
rich breakfast

- Take time to read baby stories before nap time                +50 points

- Forget to go to library so have to read books baby is       -50 points
bored of

- While baby is napping try and get packing done to move
house, drop dish on floor, wake baby and make him cry     -200 points

- Feed baby homemade organic vegetables and iron rich
meat for lunch                                                                    +500 points
(if they were homeGROWN as  well this would be more like 5 million points)

- Feel smug and self righteous about making own organic     -200 points
  baby food    
(what kind of horrible judgemental cow am I!?)                                                                    

- Put baby in cot for second nap. Leave bonjela in reach     - 2000 points
so father goes in one minute later to find baby chewing
bonjela tube

- Feed baby formula out of BPA lined formula tin                 0 points (can't do anything about this one, his other option was to starve as my boobs didnt seem interested in feeding a baby after the first 3 months and went on strike)

- Put baby to bed for the night reciting his favorite story for    +300 points
millionth time as it makes him laugh every time
(this will go up exponentially the longer I have to read the same flippin story!)

So  anyway you get the idea- if the format didnt drive you insane after the first one. Really I know in my heart it's all a bunch of rubbish and that overall I'm doing a great job but there is always that small part of you that is keen to pipe up and tell you how crap you are. I'm learning not to listen to it! All I need to do is look at how happy and loved my little guy is and I know that all my scoring system is redundant. One smile from him and I feel like I have earnt a million points, just for being his mum.

On a side note to intensify this whole process I was randomly offered a job yesterday so am now going through the rather worrying process of deciding if I want to work part time or not. This is a much harder decision to make than I ever thought possible and it's all a bit of brain bender. I'll keep you posted on that front, in the mean time I would love anyone's comments or advice on it.

Well I better sign off, any moment now I am going to hear a whimper from the next room as nap time finishes and if I don't go in straight away I'll have to deduct 50 points from today's total :)