I never imagined myself to be a working mum and yet here I sit, counting down to my new job starting in just 3 short weeks. My goodness, it's all a bit scary. As soon as I said yes reality starting crashing in on me, how the heck am I going to manage this!?
For starters I need to somehow find clothes that don't have baby food smashed into them not just once but twice a week( I mean finding the clothes, not the frequency of the smashing). This poses a problem, I'm not sure if I have just completely lost the ability to realise when my clothes really need a wash or if the food has literally become one with the fabric. I just can't ever seem to locate a pair of trousers that don't look like they have been attacked by marmite toast and pureed spinach.
Secondly there is the issue of my greatly reduced brain capacity. I think my gray matter basically decided to skip town the moment I conceived and it hasn't had the decency to return. 'I'm really not needed' it must say to itself, 'I'll just stay on vacation, how hard can it be to feed and change a baby and do housework ad infinitum'. As if to prove the point of how stupid I really am at the moment, whilst speaking to my future boss, instead of joking and saying 'I'll have to dust off my brain' which would have made perfect sense, I decided to come up with my own ridiculous version of the saying. I'm still laughing at myself for announcing to her 'I'll have to get my brain out of the dusty cupboard'. I mean what the!?
Thirdly of course, is the tiredness. Not only do I have only a remnant of a brain left, it operates only when regularly injected with caffiene and is still then prone to massive errors of judgement. I wonder if make up will ever manage to cover the dark shadows under my eyes so I don't scare my new workmates?
Oh dear, the list goes on..I better put a stop to this. The last one, is that I have somehow decided that I have time to fit in 15 hours of work a week. Now, now, I know you are all gasping at the mention of a measly 15 hours a week. At this juncture however I must point out to you that I am no super woman. I have several friends who are- one even who manages to work 4 days a week, run a charity in a 5th (which included a recent trip to Uganda), care for her 9 month old baby...all while being pregnant. Another old friend from school (who I just occasionally facebook stalk to see what she's up to) has 4 children, which in my opinion is enough said, but is also a lawyer who has recently published a book that went straight to the top of bestseller list. I am not this sort of woman. If I manage to wash my hair twice a week and shave my legs every 3 weeks I am doing AN AMAZING JOB of being me. So fitting in 15 hours a week is going to be interesting. Perhaps I'll have to cut back on the leg shaving. Ha ha.
I know I said I would stop but I do also just have to mention quickly about the whole house that needs not only unpacking but renovating from top to bottom inside and out. Since moving in I have managed to unpack exactly zero articles that belong to me. Thank goodness I found time to clean the bath yesterday, I think I got athletes foot just from looking at it.
All that said I am feeling incredibly blessed to have been offered a job that I didn't even have to look for, doing something I'm passionate about, that is totally flexible and has a boss who is as bleary eyed as me as she too knows what it's like to be up night after night tending to a sick baby. Don't think that all made sense but hey, like I said my brain is elsewhere. If you see it please send it back to me, I start on the 23rd of May!
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